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It’s still a man’s world! Unfortunately, in spite of making huge strides in women’s rights over the past century, this holds true in many ways. Some of the discrimination is less overt but the underlying systems remain biased in favour of men. These biases have developed for a number of reasons. Here’s the first. I will address others in subsequent blogs. There are two basic views of gender – the Essentialist View and the Existentialist View. The Essentialist View is the traditional view that men ‘naturally’ suited to some roles and women to others. The argument goes that because women are biologically able to bear children they are naturally more suited to caring professions and roles which require emotional sensitivity. By contrast men are said to be more ‘naturally’ suited to more competitive workplaces and roles which require rational, critical thinking. These stereotypes persist overwhelmingly. And are evidenced by the huge disproportion of men and women in, say, early years child care and nursing as compared to science and engineering. The Existentialist View is that these differences between males and females are the product of nurture not nature; that from the moment we are born we are ‘socialised’ to play with certain toys, to like certain things, to behave in certain ways. The resultant stereotypes are therefore manufactured not inherent, generated by culture and context rather than biology. For example – a study by the BBC showed that adults are more likely to introduce toys which develop spatial awareness and motor skills to baby boys than to girls. Scientists tell us that when children play spatial awareness games regularly their brains change physically in just three months! In other words, we are all to a huge extent, products of the stereotypes and biases of society and as a result we, often unconsciously though sometimes deliberately, perpetuate those same biases. In my view we need to stop with our fixation with dividing people by either biological sex or gender identity. These categories may have some use for a small number of contexts (for example it makes sense in medicine to take account of the biological differences between males and females). However, for the vast majority of contexts it is a fairly useless way to divide people. It is ludicrous to split 7.7 billion people into just two categories and say – ‘you are all like this’ and ‘you are all like that’! The same goes for the other blunt tools we use to categorise: ethnicity, religion, age, disability etc. I’m arguing that to truly challenge the sexism and all kinds of discrimination in society we need to recognise and affirm the beautiful diversity and uniqueness of every single person. To build schools, businesses and organisations that are people centred and which value difference. The best tool I have discovered to assist with this is The GC Index . This assessment tool helps to affirm the differences between individuals and enable leaders to identify and develop the unique energy and potential that each person brings to the table. Whilst you could say, ‘Aren’t we just replacing one set of categories with another?’ with 100,000 different possible variations, it’s not perfect but it’s a vast improvement on two! That’s why I think the move in recent years to acknowledge the complexity of gender is a hugely positive thing. Biology is one thing, identity is another. But… until we start discussing and understanding the impact of socialisation and the difference between biological sex and gender identity we won’t see real change. And, unfortunately, the nature of the debate on this issue in the media has made many feel afraid to even talk about it for fear of being labelled either ‘woke’ on the one hand or transphobic / misogynistic on the other. Becoming comfortable with difference necessarily means being willing to hear different viewpoints, even the ones which make you feel uncomfortable. So how about starting with the debate above… essentialist vs existentialist: are men better at some things and women better at others? Be open to hearing different views, but prepared to give a reasoned defence of your own. Difference is good. Bring it on! 1. For BBC study watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWu44AqF0iI 2. For more info on the GC Index go to https://www.peterradfordspeaker.com/the-gc-index

The past couple of years have exposed in alarming ways just how much racism still pervades society and remains inherent in the national consciousness, institutions and systems. Racial inequality is undeniable. To quote just a few examples from the UK: Unemployment levels are twice as high amongst black men than white men.[i] Applicants with white-sounding names are called to interview far more often than applicants with Asian or African sounding names.[ii] Black women are still four times more likely than white women to die in pregnancy or childbirth in the UK, and women from Asian ethnic backgrounds face twice the risk. [iii] The examples are myriad. In Dorset, where I live and which is less racially diverse than many other parts of the country, entrenched prejudices persist often because they go unnoticed; as a white man, I am somewhat blind to my own biases and privilege. When confronted with difference, however, these prejudices can quickly come to the fore. It is striking that in the months following the Brexit vote incidents of hate crime across England and Wales increased by up to 100% with Dorset seeing the greatest increase![iv] As businesses and schools we have a responsibility to root out discriminatory practices and ensure that we comply with employment law and the Equality Act 2010. However, complying with the letter of the law doesn’t go anywhere near far enough in ensuring that all staff, clients and students feel valued and safe and that access to opportunity is equitable. It’s very easy to think, ‘we don’t have a problem with racism here’. Probably what you mean by that is there have been very few reported or explicit incidents of racism in your work place. But racism is not simply the easy-to-spot occurrences of aggressive discrimination or the use of racial slurs or terms, it is far more covert and often unconscious than that. The truth is, when dozens of people who all share the same biases join together and form a business or organisation then their shared biases become part of the workplace culture, unwittingly baked into the structure of how things work. This is what is meant by structural, institutional or systemic racism. There may not be conscious or malicious intent, but the norms which advantage some and disadvantage others persist unless we deliberately examine those systems, listen to other perspectives and seek to be proactively anti-racist. This is what the Black Lives Matter movement is trying to do: proactively redress the balance in society. So how can we address inequalities, promote fairness and celebrate difference? Below I suggest three starting points to begin to transform our businesses and schools into beacons of hope for a fairer world. 1. Valuing Difference – Ensure representation at every level of your school or company A study at Columbia Business School gave teams the task of solving a murder mystery. In half the cases the groups were composed of four friends. The other half were composed of three friends and a stranger. The result? The teams with a stranger consistently and significantly outperformed the teams without one. They also found the task more cognitively demanding as they were forced to engage with different perspectives and think carefully in order to justify their own perspectives. They were enabled to see their own blindspots which in turn helped them collectively to find more effective solutions.[v] Difference is good for us. Valuing rather than fearing difference is the beginning of change. Making sure that difference is represented at every level of your business is essential if you are going to grow. 2. Engaging with difference – Listen to the lived experience of people of colour in your workplace. In any system which is inherently biased, minorities are likely to feel anxious about speaking up when they experience discrimination or micro-aggressions[vi]. In order to survive, people have often learned to just ‘put up with’ some of the injustices they experience. (The same is true of women in a male-dominated context). Finding out how black, Asian or minority ethnic people feel on a daily basis in your workplace or context is essential to effect real, lasting change. But meaningful listening and learning is not a one-time thing and can only take place in a safe, or possibly anonymous, context in which people feel confident that their perspectives cannot and will not be used against them. Before such honest reflection can take place you may well need to invest in some training. 3. Challenging Indifference – Re-think your vision and values Inertia is the greatest barrier to change. Change requires clarity of purpose and a coherent message that galvanises action and generates momentum. Two questions: a) How much focus and attention do you give to the ethos and values of your business/school? And b) Are those values in need of an update? In other words, do they firmly and unequivocally affirm the value of every human person and do they translate into the everyday, living reality of your workplace? Change takes time, openness and the willingness to have meaningful dialogue about these issues. We need to move beyond polarised soundbites on social media and commit to create positive working environments for all. [i] Dynamics of Diversity:Evidence from the 2011 Census, Esrc Centre on Dynamics of Ethnicity, University of Manchester and Joseph Rowntree Foundation, September 2013 [ii] ‘A Test for Racial Discrimination in Recruitment Practice in British Cities’, National Centre for Social Research 2009 [iii] https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2021/jan/15/black-women-in-the-uk-four-times-more-likely-to-die-in-pregnancy-or-childbirth [iv] https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/brexit-vote-hate-crime-rise-100-cent-england-wales-police-figures-new-racism-eu-a7580516.html [v] M. Syed, Rebel Ideas: The Power of Diverse Thinking (London: John Murray, 2019), p. 36-37 [vi] Micro aggressions are a form of unintended discrimination, e.g. statements like ‘You’re very well-spoken’ or ‘You don’t act black’. Such ‘complements’ communicate hidden assumptions about people of colour. Typography photo created by rawpixel.com – www.freepik.com

The examples of sexism, misogyny and sexual harassment have been flowing thick and fast over the past year. From the recognition that this is a major issue in our schools to the murder of Sarah Everard, it is somewhat frightening to see just how entrenched sexist attitudes are across all levels of society. We thought we’d come a long way! And in some ways we have. But that is small consolation to the millions of women who find themselves mistreated, devalued and abused on a daily basis. The tendency of most is to assert defensively, ‘I’m not sexist’. But the truth is you probably are. For sexism is so deeply embedded in our thinking and modes of operating that for the most part we don’t even notice. Whenever a group of people who share the same bias form a business or team then that bias becomes ‘baked into’ the norms of the culture. This isn’t necessarily with malicious intent, it is just a fact. The truth is that unhelpful and often damaging, gender stereotypes begin from the moment we exit the womb. The mantlepieces of our parents were adorned with cards that communicated the expected preferences and behaviours associated with our biological sex. For example, boys are supposed to like football, robots, trucks, pirates and blue. Girls are supposed to like cupcakes, fairies, ponies, princesses and pink! Very quickly children learn what they are supposed to like. In fact, studies show that in just three weeks a child’s preferences can be altered by the rituals, norms and role models to which they are exposed. (i) Soon after we are born we are introduced to stories. A study of children’s books showed that males are twice as likely to appear in title roles as females and appear in 50% more pictures. In TV, boys and men appear in 75% more speaking roles than girls and women. In those same stories the words ‘beautiful’ and ‘weak’ are more commonly ascribed to women and the words ‘brave’ and ‘great’ more commonly ascribed to men. Without realising it children learn early on that ‘beauty is an essential part of being female’. (ii) Such early experiences of conditioning feed the stereotypes that then perpetuate the myth. ‘My daughter just prefers playing with dolls’ is asserted to be ‘natural’ when her introduction to expected norms was far from gender neutral from the start. Take too the tendency for parents to spend more attention each day to brushing and styling a girl’s hair or the outfit she wears than to boys’ appearance. Very early girls in our culture grow up with two distinct identities: their body and their mind; they are subtly absorbed into a society which values women more for their physical looks and men more for their intellect. So effectively internalised is this stereotype that when women are asked simply to record their sex on a quantitative test ( thereby reminded unconsciously of the stereotypical expectations) they consistently perform worse than when they are not reminded of their sex! (iii) Being pretty is more important than being smart if you are a woman in our culture. This is the prevailing message. And the examples of this are multitudinous. Undoubtedly then, any business or group that was started and/or led mostly by men will be inherently biased towards men. And it will take proactive training and evaluation to identify how this manifests itself and how to redress the balance. But what if your business is mostly or all-female? I would argue that the same applies. For two reasons: 1. Because every female that has grown up in this sexually biased culture of ours has unconsciously absorbed its norms, but also 2. Any female-led business is operating within a world that is still heavily biased toward men: for example whenever a woman does a google search, the results presented are driven by an algorithm… that was, in most cases, programmed by a man! Resolving to take this issue seriously and seek to proactively address it is a challenge for every business and organisation. If we don’t then I fear that the prevalence of sexual harassment and misogyny will only continue. Change starts here. Go to https://www.peterradfordspeaker.com/equality to enquire about training on this issue. i. Caroline Criado- Perez, Do it Like a Woman, Portobello Bookls, London 2015, P149 ii. Ibid, P150-151 iii. John Bargh, Before You Know It, Penguin, London 2017, p87 Image by: People photo created by rawpixel.com - www.freepik.com

It has long been accepted wisdom that people perform better or worse in work and life in proportion to their self-belief. Henry Ford is reported to have said, ‘Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.’ There is much truth in this: our mindset determines our outcomes to a significant degree. However, this is only part of the picture… and a part that fits nicely with our individualistic culture that holds each person individually responsible for their outcomes. It doesn’t take appropriate account of the impact of those around us on our outcomes. Nor of our responsibility as leaders or teachers for those around us. Could it be that your staff or your students actually perform better or worse depending on the extent to which YOU believe in THEM? This is fascinating: in 1963 a psychologist called Bob Rosenthal at Harvard experimented with his students using two groups of rats. He put the rats in two cages, one labelled ‘trained and intelligent rats’ the other labelled ‘dull and dim-witted rats’. Later in the day he told his students to put the rats in a maze and time how long it took each to get out. He didn’t tell them that, in fact, the two groups of rats were no different and randomly selected. Here’s what happened: The rats the students believed were brighter performed twice as well! It was almost like magic. How come? What Rosenthal discovered is that the students unconsciously handled the ‘bright’ rats – of whom they had higher expectations – more warmly and gently. This in turn enhanced the rats’ performance! In other words, the rats became brighter when expected to! Could the same be true for people? Rosenthal was keen to check this out… in a school in San Francisco he literally tossed a coin to decide which students would be placed in which category and then told the teachers that one group were ‘high potentials’ and the others weren’t. They did not tell the students this. This is what happened: “Teachers gave the ‘smart’ pupils more attention, more encouragement and more praise, thus changing how the students saw themselves, too. The effect was clearest amongst the youngest kids, whose IQ scores increased by an average of twenty-seven points in a single year.” Fifty years on this research has been confirmed countless times in the army, in universities, in courtrooms, in families, in nursing homes and within organisations. How is it that we have not applied this truth in our schools and workplaces? The fact is, the way we each treat people affects their performance. And often we treat people a certain way due to unconscious bias and prejudices based upon preconceived ideas and arbitrary socially constructed divisions like gender, class, race, ability etc. If I can enable others to perform better by believing in them then the converse is also true. This has been harder to test for ethical reasons but an infamous experiment that has become known as ‘The Monster Study’ demonstrated the point startlingly. In 1939 twenty orphans were split into two random groups. One group were told they were good articulate speakers, the other group that they were destined to become stutterers. The outcome… multiple individuals in the latter group developed lifelong speech impediments! We should, of course, be horrified at such an experiment. However I would argue that we should be more horrified that in actual fact this is an everyday occurrence in our society, workplaces and schools. Some people are told they are ‘low ability’ and categorised as such overtly in our schools. Some people are told they will ‘never amount to much’. Some people are treated with suspicion because of the colour of their skin. Some are treated as ‘weak’ because of their gender or inferior because of their class. And every day these divisions and biases exacerbate those divisions and stunt, hinder and destroy the hopes and potential of countless unique and precious people. How are you treating those in your care? Do you believe in them? If you want to get more out of your people then start with you: are you exuding positivity, belief, care and hope? Or have you unconsciously or consciously negatively categorised some of those you lead? You will reap the consequences either way.

How fake is your professional face? How often to you get on a zoom call or turn up for work and plaster a smile on that hides your truth? Chances are – quite often. If you’re anything like me then there have been plenty of times, not just in the past year but for years, when you have projected an impression that you are happy and coping when actually you’re not. You feel low, you’ve just had conflict with your spouse or kids, you forced yourself up in spite of how you felt and you put on your professional face. Here’s a question: is that the right thing to do? If I’m honest I’m torn on this one. I’m also somewhat alarmed at how easily I can fake it when I have to. How naturally I can project an impression that I am living my best life – when truth be told, I’m not. Faking has got easier this year. Remote team meetings are easier to fake than in-person meetings. You don’t even need to get fully dressed. And you can see your own face throughout the meeting so you can check and double check what your face is ‘saying’ throughout the meeting. I wonder how much time in each meeting you actually spend looking at your own face. (More than 50% according to some articles out there!) And of course, once the meeting ends you can switch the face off. Not like in an office environment… where you have to keep the face on all day long! When people may catch your demeanour in the in-between-moments when you think no one is looking. But does it matter? Isn’t that the right thing to do? I mean it would be unprofessional to let your true feelings get in the way of your job wouldn’t it? Keep your personal life at home. Isn’t that right? People will think you’re weak if you show your emotions. People want to know what they’ll get on the end of the phone when they call up and ask for your expertise. You can’t let your feelings get in the way…. As I said, I’m torn. On the one hand yes – you’ve got a job to do and a service to deliver and everyone doesn’t want to know your problems. On the other hand I think we’ve got the bar in the wrong place at the moment. We fake too quickly, too often and to too many people. Far too frequently we say, ‘I’m good’ when actually it would be entirely appropriate to say, ‘ I’m struggling.’ Far too frequently we say, ‘I’m fine,’ when it would not be wrong to say, ‘I’m having a difficult day.’ Far too frequently we plaster on a smile, or at least a mouth-smile, not an eye-smile, when it would not be inappropriate to let our truth show… that smiling is the last thing we feel like doing. But there’s another aspect to this… it’s not just about whether we are courageous enough to share some of our reality, it’s whether the people around us can handle it. And the sad truth is that often they can’t. We’re all products of an emotionally illiterate culture. And because of that we don’t actually know how to handle it when a colleague says, ‘I’m struggling’. For some of us it throws us into a panic: ‘Shit! He’s struggling. Oh no… how can we lighten this up a bit?!’ So either we make a joke to change the subject or we offer some trite attempt to ‘fix it’. I know the ‘fix it’ mentality well. It’s my default. Someone shares a problem … I try to fix it. When actually if a person shares how they are mostly they aren’t actually looking for you to fix it. Rather just to acknowledge it. To empathise. To show that you care. To experience the relief and release of, just for a moment, not having to fake it. To feel like someone will listen. As a bloke I feel like I can speak for most men when I say we often feel less comfortable with offering this empathy than many women do. Less comfortable with just listening. I’m hesitant to gender-stereotype but on this occasion the statistics bear it out. As men we are slower to go to the GP when we’re ill than women, we’re three times more likely to commit suicide than women. We’re products of a culture that told us that being manly means hiding your emotions. But that’s crazy! And if we could accept that emotions are a natural part of being human, rather than a sign of weakness, we could start to build mentally healthy working environments that allow people to really thrive and offer support when they have the inevitable dips. So I’m going to practise what I’m preaching: This past week I’ve struggled. I’ve felt overwhelmed with the stuff I’ve had on and the pressure I’ve felt. A couple of times it’s triggered the tight feeling in my chest that I’ve come to recognise is a sign that I’m sailing to close to the wind. I’ve been distracted at home and not engaged with my kids and wife, and I’ve lost my temper more than once. So all in all I’ve felt low. I’ve not gone out for runs because I felt too low to motivate myself and I’ve drunk more in the evenings. I’ve just been trying to get to the weekend. It’s funny how, even as I write this I’m double checking what I write and feeling uncomfortable wondering what other people will think. Will it undermine what people think of me? But then I think, chances are, plenty of people have had a week just exactly the same! And the fact that I feel uncomfortable is exactly the point. It shouldn’t be such a difficult thing to say how we are. So next time you are asked how you are, how about telling the truth. Appropriate to the context and the people you’re talking to. It doesn’t mean you can’t do your job. It doesn’t mean you should be treated with kid gloves. It’s just a statement of fact: you’re NOT fine. And that’s ok. And the next time someone tells you that they are struggling. Don’t try to fix it. Don’t change the subject. Ask them why… and listen. And when they’ve finished say, ‘I hear you’ and thank them for sharing.

There is a prevailing assumption in our culture that human beings are basically bad: lazy, self-serving and greedy. In fact the whole of our economy rests on this assumption: what has long been known as homo economicus , the rational, self-interested human. Classical capitalist theory from Adam Smith onwards assumes that this is what will drive progress and market competition from which we all benefit according to the trickle-down economics. It’s the ‘Greed is good’ philosophy of Wall Street’s Gordon Gecko. Only what if it’s not true! What if actually, far from increasing your profits, this view of human beings is actually hindering your growth? Veneer Theory, as it is known, is the idea that if you leave humans alone, remove the civilising effect of government, law and society then underneath it all we are all fairly nasty. The problem with this idea is it leads directly to a certain kind of leadership that all the evidence suggests undermines productivity and innovation. You see, if we assume that people are basically lazy then leadership automatically assumes the role of hierarchical control: we need to monitor people and their performance otherwise they’ll slack off; we need to threaten disciplinary or capability procedures otherwise they’ll under-perform; we need to provide financial incentives to drive progress because people will only pull their finger out of there’s something in it for them. Only, all of the evidence suggests a very different picture. In fact, the evidence has long demonstrated that: 1. Performance goals/ targets produce performance anxiety and inhibit free thinking and productivity. People perform much better when they feel safe. 2. Extrinisic motivators, whether carrots or sticks inhibit creativity and lead to a bare-minimum, corner-cutting culture that often has costly consequences (think the VW emissions scandal!). 3. Controlling leadership fosters a culture of distrust, one-upmanship and high levels of staff turnover (75% of people leave their jobs because of their direct line manager!). So, what if instead we assume that people are basically good. This isn’t just cloud-cuckoo wishful thinking. Humankind by Rutger Bregman offers a robust defence of this theory and puts to bed many of the faulty thinking and experiments that have traditionally been used to support a negative view of human nature, from Milgram’s Obedience to Authority experiment and Zimbado’s Stanford Prison experiment to Golding’s fictional Lord of the Flies. The hard evidence points to quite the opposite of what we have often assumed. I don’t think anyone goes to work to do a rubbish job. In fact, the power of intrinsic motivation is well known… we all do lots of things that are hard or involve suffering and struggle simply because we want to! From running marathons to climbing mountains to raising children! Intrinsic motivation is powerful. Far from requiring someone to monitor and manage us in these tasks we initiate them, participate in them for zero financial reward and even gladly pay professionals to coach and inspire us! Because we want to succeed, we want to do well. But note, that’s coach and inspire not monitor and manage. There are two very distinct and contrasting leadership approaches then: one beginning from a position of distrust seeks to control, manage and monitor; the other from a position of trust seeks to coach, enable and inspire. The first leads to a toxic and mentally unhealthy working environment, the latter leads to productivity, innovation and growth. Have a look at the table below and reflect on which approach you tend to take. But does it work??? Read up on Jos de Blok’s Dutch home healthcare organization called Buurtzorg. It has been pronounced the Best Employer five times despite having no HR team and no managers! It is one of the fastest growing companies in the Netherlands now with 800 teams active nationwide. Employee engagement is phenomenally high compared to the average European company having just 13% of their employees engaged. “Managing is bullshit,” says Jos de Blok, “Just let people do their job.” The fact is that, if you would just let them, your staff will take your business to the next level and beyond. But maintain control and you’re likely to just keep chugging along (at best!) https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/why-are-your-employees-quitting-a-study-says-it-comes-down-to-any-of-these-6-reasons.html De Blok, J, Humankind, London: Bloomsbury 2019, p266-280 Used with permission: P. Sloane, The Innovative Leader vs. the Command-and-Control Leader, Innovation Management (30 September 2009). Available at: https://innovationmanagement.se/imtool-articles/the-innovative-leader-vs-the-command-and-control-leader. Business photo created by javi_indy - www.freepik.com

Character or competence? I wonder what your instinctive reaction is… “Depends on the context” you might say? • In a friend? • In a teacher/ mentor? • In a boss? • In a political leader? Of course, ideally the answer is Both. But in reality we have to make value judgments in our interactions with people and society which can have far reaching consequences. In our personal relationships we are likely to favour character… a friend you can’t trust, isn’t loyal and deserts you in a crisis is not any kind of friend you’d really go out looking for. And yet when it comes to choosing our politicians or appointing staff, for many people character ceases to matter. The obvious case in point is the 74 million people who just voted for Donald Trump… again! This has baffled me and many others. Especially the fact that a huge proportion of his support base in the US are evangelical Christians. I have been unable to fathom why a Christian would vote for Donald Trump over, frankly, any other candidate on earth. As far as I can see, in character, behaviour and teaching Donald Trump is about as far removed from Jesus Christ as it’s possible to get! How can followers of Jesus also follow Donald Trump? Then I discovered the answer! I found it on an evangelical Christian website offering its followers advice on who to vote for. It did not advocate any one candidate by name but it did say something very significant. It said : ‘Vote the platform not the person’. It suggested that because all humans are flawed the most important thing is not the person but the policies they promote. And for evangelical Christians this comes down to the public stance taken on abortion, gay marriage, guns and Israel. Hence, it literally doesn’t matter if the person on offer is a lying, misogynistic, racist who separates children from their parents. What matters are these policies. I disagree. Character matters. In our choice of friends and teachers and in our appointment of leaders, in whatever context, character is more important than competence. And character is more important than those issues too. In fact it was Jesus himself who said that the most important law is the law of love. The other significant group of Trump supporters are those who trust his competence with the economy, which of course translates into real jobs and food on the table. There is plenty of support for this approach here in the UK. Margaret Thatcher articulated the capitalist principle well (quoted accurately recently in The Crown). She said, “No one would have remembered the good Samaritan if he had merely had good intentions; he had money!” Again I disagree. The phrase ‘good intentions’ sounds weak. But in actual fact good intentions, backed up with action, are what change the world. The Samaritan in the story made history not because he had money but because he defied all the prejudices and systemic cultural norms of the day to engage with and alleviate the suffering of a fellow human being from a shunned religious group. He defied religious policy and prevailing beliefs to show love. The religious leaders who had already passed by that day also had money but their prejudices and fears prevented them from using that money for good. There is a moral vacuum currently being exacerbated in many of our systems and power structures. “So long as they get the job done, what does it matter how they go about it?” I would argue that this is dangerous. This leads us to an ‘ ends always justifies the means’ ethic that legitimates trampling over whomever gets in our way so long as the outcome is in our own interests. It is individualism turned into narcisism. If it’s good for me it’s good. Sounds ok …. Until the shoe is on the other foot and you’re the one being trampled on. Martin Luther King Jr said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.” Bottom line – the number one ethic we must keep asserting is not a new one but it has stood the test of time: The Golden Rule, “Treat other people as you would like them to treat you.” Character matters. This is about playing the long game. It’s not whose policy might help me in the short term or what might be best for the economy right now… the long term effects of a fractured society, of growing disunity, of broken families, broken friendships and broken promises; the long term effects of sowing hate and exacerbating inequality, of not listening to the cries of the marginalised and disenfranchised… the long term effects of all of this are massive. And economically massive too. Climate change is the obvious example… short term profit and exploitation now sending us multi billion pound clean-up bills after hurricanes, forest fires and floods. The capitalist ideology is flawed and no longer tenable. The human and financial cost is going to be unprecedented. We need to choose to care: for every person, of every colour and creed, in every part of the world. Even for Donald Trump! Background photo created by freepik - www.freepik.com

Dear Amy-Beth It feels crazy that you are leaving for university so soon after being born! The past 18 years have been amazing but they have flown by far too quickly. I worry that I have not told you everything I wanted to or taught you everything that has helped me over the years. I know that some of those lessons you will learn for yourself through experience, but I feel I should have done more to prepare you. So here are my top ten… the ten things I wish I had known earlier in life and which I hope will help you flourish and fly higher and farther than me. 1. Believe in what you do. Only spend your time and effort doing things you truly believe in. Life is too short to follow someone else’s agenda. If your heart is not in what you do then you won’t stick with it in the long term and you won’t enjoy it. Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.” So whenever you have that niggle that you don’t feel right or comfortable with what is expected of you, listen to it. Don’t do anything that runs contrary to your core values. Believe in what you do. 2. Don’t do as you’re told. Ok so maybe I have taught you this one! And you know that I don’t mean to just ignore rules for the sake of it; I mean never blindly do something just because you’re told to. All rules are made up. Some of them are good and some of them are bad. They get changed all the time. The rules used to be that women couldn’t vote and black people could be bought and sold. The people who ignored those rules changed the world. Socrates was sentenced to death because he was ‘corrupting the youth’ – encouraging them to question the system, the accepted authority and norms. The basis of Western Philosophy rests on this: question everything. Never stop asking Why? Buck the trend. Do things differently. You’re an original. Don’t do as you’re told. 3. Be yourself. The pressures out there are immense, pulling you in all sorts of directions. A study by Ruth Berenda back in the 70s showed that 75% of people go contrary to what they know to be true because of the pressure to conform – to go along with the crowd. You don’t need anyone to validate you. You don’t need a man to tell you that you are beautiful, to be a somebody. You don’t need a certain number of Instagram followers in order to be valid. You don’t need the approval of your friends or of your boss. And you don’t need me to approve of your choices either. This is hard to say! Because obviously my instinct is that I want you to make choices that I would agree with. But I know that’s not why you should make those choices. I don’t want you to make choices based on gaining my approval or mum’s approval or for fear of disappointing us. You have my approval. I am proud of you and love you no matter what. So does Mum. So be yourself. 4. Whatever you do, do with all your heart. Remember when I nearly did myself a mischief jumping off that rock in Guadeloup? It was because I didn’t commit. I went to jump, but there was a niggle of doubt and fear and so I didn’t commit. I jumped half-heartedly. That is the most dangerous way to jump! “Do or do not. There is no try” said Yoda. You’ve heard me say loads to “Just decide… make a decision.” This is what I mean. Don’t go at life timidly or tentatively. Go at it full throttle. I don’t mean act on whims or to be rash or gung-ho. I mean once you have settled on a course of action, put your whole self into it and don’t look back. When Julius Caesar marched his troops up onto the cliffs of Dover after they disembarked on British shores intent on conquering, he ordered his generals to “Burn the ships.” His men looked down and watched as their only possibility of retreat was destroyed. There was only one option left. Advance and win. Whatever you do, do with all your heart. 5. Prioritise those you love - always. You will have lots of goals in life and achieve many things. You will impact many people and make the world a better place. But the most significant achievement of your life will be your relationships with those you love. Sorry to be morbid, but many years from now when you are close to the end, you will not be asking people to bring you framed certificates of your degree or awards. You won’t be asking for a bank statement to show the money you have made. You won’t be asking for a photograph of your designer shoe collection(!?). You will be asking for the people you love. They are all that matters. The quality of your life and happiness will be in direct proportion to the quality of your relationships. Your close friends, your family, your true love and your kids… these are not add-ons, they are not peripheral to the purpose of your life. They are at the core. The centre. They are what it’s all for. Never neglect those relationships. Prioritise those you love. Always. 6. Never stop seeking truth. This is the way out of the Plato’s cave. The prisoner who escapes the cave is the one who is not satisfied to simply accept the version of truth presented to her. Never stop being a Philosopher. The truth matters. This means staying open, recognising that there is always more to learn, a different perspective to consider, another way of looking at things. You don’t see the whole picture. Sometimes, especially when you’re young, things look so clear, so obvious that you will think that anyone who disagrees must be an idiot. But life is complex and “we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are” (anon). Recognise and acknowledge this. Emerson said, “In some way every person I meet is my superior, and in that I will learn of him or her.” Never simply accept the easy answer or the popular choice, dig deeper. Often the options ahead will be presented as polarised options: either this or that. The truth is always likely to be neither. There is always a third way. Look for it. Never stop seeking truth. 7. Listen, don’t judge. People are complex creatures. What they say and do will not always make sense. Often they may hurt you and you will be tempted to write them off; to label them and dismiss them; to take their words personally, whether complements or insults. But people’s actions or insults will rarely be about you, they are more likely to reflect the hurts, insecurities, hopes and fears of their own journey. There will always be a reason why people act the way they do. Believe in people. Anne Frank, writing in her diary whilst in hiding from Nazi occupation wrote, “I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.” Look for the good. Find the good. Look past the words and the behaviour and listen. There is a story there. You never truly know what someone else has been through and what they’ve had to deal with. Listen, don’t judge. 8. Have confidence that your contribution matters. The world needs you darling. There has never been another you to ever walk this planet and there will never be another you ever again. You have something unique to add to every conversation, every job, every relationship. Something unique to add to this world. You will be tempted to think that your view doesn’t matter; that others are far better qualified; that their truth is more valid than yours; that you have to, in some way, live up to others’ expectations of you and what you should be or what you should think. But that’s not true. All standards are made up. There will be times when others make you feel small or like your perspective doesn’t matter. But it does. And it is needed. So many people keep their thoughts to themselves for fear of being judged stupid or ignorant. But your thoughts matter. So speak up. Have confidence that your contribution matters. 9. Take risks. Only please make them good risks not dumb ones! Everything inside me as a dad wants to say, ‘Be careful!’ But you know that I don’t live that way! The risks are where you grow, where you learn, where you find yourself. They are what makes life an adventure. Life is one big risk. The safe option leads nowhere. There are two kinds of people: The Brave and The Dead. Be The Brave. Make every day count. Of course, weigh the options, use your head, take advice, don’t be foolhardy; but once you’ve done that, don’t ever let fear hold you back. There is no such thing as a totally safe bet in life, nothing is certain, so don’t chase certainty, instead embrace the adventure. Things won’t always work out the way you think or hope, but you will learn from every mistake and each one will make you stronger. So take risks. 10. Have courage and be kind. Life is always better when you love. There will be plenty of times when you will feel offended or angry with people. You will feel hurt and rejected at times and you will have a very strong urge to hit back or take revenge or lash out. But when you follow that impulse you become part of the problem. You become complicit in the way of hate and fear that causes so much suffering. Love is always more powerful than hate. So choose to love, even when it hurts to do it. Love gives hope and builds bridges. Love makes the world a better place to live. Love, even in the face of gross injustice, is always a better solution. Jesus’ prayer for his killers as he was unjustly executed is still one of the most moving and inspiring prayers of all time… “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.” Choose to see the world not as it sometimes is, but as it could be. So have courage and be kind. So there you have it: my top ten pieces of wisdom… so far. Darling, as you start this new chapter and find your own way in life know that I will always be with you, on your side, fighting your corner, backing you up and sending you all my love, energy and positivity. I believe in you. You are an exquisite individual with so much to offer the world. I love you with all my heart. Go and smash it darling! All my love always Dad Image: People photo created by rawpixel.com - www.freepik.com

Over the past few months I have regularly found myself pretty depressed by the state of the world; the relentless torrent of bad news coupled with the ridicule and denigration of powerful public figures. I have had the feeling at times that the world is being run by meglomaniacal despots intent on the demise of humanity and there’s nothing I can do about it. The world is screwed. Whether environmentally, politically or socially – everything feels like it is spiralling downhill. Fast. And based on the sources I’ve been exposed to, it’s too late to do much about it. We might be able to slow our demise but basically and inevitably we are doomed! Then I realised something through reading Rebel Ideas by Matthew Syed (brilliant book!). I live in an Echo Chamber. The way we digest our news these days is skewed more than ever before in recent times,. For instance I recently joined the world of twitter and started getting some of my news from twitter. Except of course I’m getting news only from the journalists or sources that I follow. Which largely speaking are sources which reflect my own political and ideological views. Hence all the perspectives I read, which tend to be left of centre, pummel relentlessly anything or anyone who represents the right – pretty much regardless of what they’ve done or just announced. No matter what efforts the current government are making, they will always be lambasted by the opposition. This itself is not new - it is the nature of two party politics. But what is new is that, in this social media driven world, we can live almost entirely in whichever Echo Chamber we choose and literally NEVER hear a perspective that challenges our own underlying set of assumptions. All we hear is the news or opinion that reinforces our own standpoint. And this is dangerous. The same happened during the Brexit years – both sides inexorably peddling their own agenda, neither side really engaging with the other. Echo Chambers are structures of strategic discrediting. It’s not that information is necessarily misreported or deliberately distorted, it’s that the source of a particular decision or policy is routinely discredited through ridicule, satire, mimicry or mockery. It’s playing the person instead of playing the ball. If I have determined that a certain source or side or person is inherently untrustworthy, mistaken or wrong, then I will judge what they say or do negatively even before they say or do it. And when they say or do it, no matter what it is, my judgement or interpretation of it will be helpfully skewed almost immediately by my twitter feed. It’s not just twitter. Google algorithms invisibly personalise our searches and limit our access to diverse viewpoints. We get suggested films, products, youtube videos and websites all skewed by our previous viewing or search habits. We’ve signed up to this through our acceptance of cookies. And therefore we are destined to believe, buy and digest whatever our particular Echo Chamber suggests. Couple this with the fact that as humans we tend to hang out most with those people who share our views and agree with our rantings and you have a very one-sided view of the world. So what I realised is that maybe everything isn’t as bad as it seems. Maybe if I change my informational diet, I would discover a different ‘truth’: a world full of people who are kind and compassionate, a world which cares far more about morality and equality than the world presented on my news feed. A world in which the latest political wranglings are not as significant to the every day life of people as they might seem. A world in which justice and mercy do mean something. This isn’t to say we bury our heads in the sand and ignore the gross injustices out there. Of course not. Nor that we don’t call them out and address them. Just that we expose ourselves deliberately to contrary perspectives and to the bigger picture. With rose-tinted spectacles on everything looks rose-coloured. With darkened spectacles on, everything looks dark. If we view the world through the lenses of certain news and twitter feeds we will undoubtedly see a bleak outlook. But here’s the point: no view, no matter whose it is, including my own, is ever the whole picture. It is a version, a view, a perspective. History unequivocally shows us that humanity develops and grows through collaboration and communication. To give one example, when the island of Tasmania was discovered by Europeans in the late 18th century, explorers were astonished to find that technology there was so primitive: there are tribes dating back 40 000 years with a more sophisticated toolkit. How come? Well, Tasmania was cut off from Australia about 12 000 years ago, at which point inhabitants lost their connection with the outside world. They failed to benefit from the perspectives, ideas and developments of people who were different to them. We need divergent views and opinions. We need to actively seek out ideas and perspectives that challenge our underlying assumptions and we need to limit our diet of news and opinion from sources within our own echo chamber. We need to listen. We need to listen open-mindedly. I think we have got to the point where we are almost willing whichever leader we can’t stand to do or say something even more outrageous, ridiculous or unjust than ever, just so that we can pounce on it and find new fodder for our tweets. It’s going nowhere. Yes we must discuss facts and yes we must hold those in power to account. But surely we must also want them to do good not bad. We must want the world to be better not worse. We must will the current government to make good decisions not bad ones. And we must acknowledge their humanity too and the fact that they are caught up in this same mudslinging system we have all created. A system in which everyone has joined in with this polarised perpetuation of Echo Chambers. So I’m determining to change my outlook on the world and my twitter feed; to seek out people who are different to me and ask them for their views and listen to their stories; to question my assumptions and look for good not bad. My pleas is that you do the same.